This post is not going to be our regularly scheduled program, but it is a plea to myself to get back to my regularly scheduled program.
Wow, how many times can you say regularly scheduled program?
The thing about writing on the Internet is that you can hide behind the screen. That’s why people post nasty comments on YouTube and people get Catfished. It’s also a way for writers to continue doing their writing and pretend that everything is fine, even when it’s not.
And unfortunately for me, right now not everything is okay.
This blog is not my place to rant or rave or complain about how difficult life can be for the average female uni student. That’s not what I want my writing to be about. And so I write posts that are not about my feelings, but rather about my experience and how I’ve grown from them and a lot of enthusiasm about bands and books and culture. But there are times in the range of emotions that make up for us when we cannot hide behind cheerful posts about 5 Seconds of Summer or how we felt going to university. There are times when we have to be open and hope that everyone can understand.
Ever since I was a kid I was chirpy. Full of giggles and songs and every cheerful emotion you can come up with. My Girl Scout group called me “The Friendly Brownie” because I was the most cheerful person you could have come across at the age of 7. Not much gets me down and I’m always up for fun. My friends of now all agree that if you want a laugh, call up Morgan and you’ll be cracking up in seconds. And that’s why this has all been strange.
Something in my Happy broke. I don’t know what it is or when I’ll get it fixed, but it is not in commission. It’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve noticed, but ever since I have I have gone to the depths of the earth to try to find the answer. Having been at university no one seems to have noticed since they’ve only known me for a handful of months, but I know something is up. I don’t laugh at easily. I don’t get as excited as I usually do. And just like most of high school, I hide my enthusiasms behind fear of being judged. I’m still a pleasant person, but something is off.
I post this not as a cry for help or as a way to make people feel bad for me. Please don’t do that “pity comment” that has become so popular on Facebook. If I wanted that I would have posted this on Facebook. I don’t want people to feel bad that I’m just having a little time off from Regularly Scheduled Morgan. I more say this because you are all an audience, a family to me. And you have all watched me grow and I don’t want to let you down. So I tell you this because I am trying my hardest to find my Happy so I can produce the best work I can for you.
Teary eyed as I am writing this, I want you all to know that nothing is going to change. Yeah, the posting might become more difficult or I might struggle talking about enthusiasms, but I will still be here, trucking on. I just wanted to tell you all in the case I miss a week or I don’t respond to comments. I am taking this time to fix my Happy, to get back to the Morgan that I love. I miss the girl who gets ridiculously excited. I don’t care what anyone says, she is the best!
So, just hang around and we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled program. In the meantime, I’ll take some self-reflection (Note: I took this morning off and went through friends/family notes and it really helped) and get back to you. I’m thinking some much-needed chocolate and film days. I promise you’ll be the first to know when I feel better.
So, with all that said, I am going to go talk to some of my girls (my Happy medicine, those girls are so good to me) and wear some joggers and enjoy the little things.
Tune in next post for our regularly scheduled program where we discuss less dramatic topics.
Stay classy, Internet,
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