- May 13, 2014
- 3 min read

How to Write an Essay

Because I have to write an essay that I don’t want to, and I have to write a blog post that I want to, here’s this handy little guide to writing an essay on my blog!

Paragraphs, Pens, and Pain: How to Write an Essay

1. Cry until you have three days to write your essay

This is a necessary step.

2. Make an outline

While I always write my essays on my laptop (my handwriting is slower than my brain and my typing is faster than my brain, do the math) a good old-fashioned written outline is a godsend when it comes to essays. Make plots for each paragraph and write the parts of the paragraph you need underneath.

Example:

Paragraph 1:

Introduce book

Summarize the story

Thesis

3. Actually start writing

A blank page is the most intimidating thing in the world next to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson holding a machine gun. Find an essay from the same class (or just one that you did well on) and use this for reference to get you started. And the point of having that outline is so you can look at it and know what direction you are heading in next. Once you get started you’ll get on a role, so it’s just a matter of putting a few words to paper first.

4. Eat something and watch an episode of “The Mindy Project”

Orange juice and biscuits and gravy are my drug of choice when it comes to writing essays.

5. Edit

Time to look over everything! This is not your final edit. Simply read over what you have on your screen and look for

typos
grammatical errors
MLA format
if you have topic sentences and restated your thesis in your conclusion

Once you’ve done this, your first edit is done

6. Watch 5 Seconds of Summer interviews and eat more food

I promise I’m getting decent grades. But writing and editing in one day is hard. So watch this interview and drink a smoothie and take the rest of the night off to recharge for final editing tomorrow.

7. Final edits time

This is final editing stage. Follow these steps precisely.

Print out your essay
Using a coloured pen, go through the same steps as your first editing
Have a friend do the same with a different coloured pen
Get back on your computer and make your edits
Print
Repeat steps 1 through 4 with this new draft

8. Result!

Your essay is now done! Time to hand it to your professor, put on your sweats, eat a pretzels with mustard, and count down the days until the term is over.

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Have a great week 7 guys! And for those of you who are done for the school year, don’t even think of telling me. I will implode. And haunt you by singing “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” for the rest of your life.

Stay classy, Internet,