What can waste away your day like none other? The Sims, of course.
I was twelve years old when my mom purchased a copy of The Sims at a yard sale. It quickly became the only video game I have truly ever enjoyed. And I had Harry Potter for my xBox. For those unfamiliar with what The Sims is, it basically is a computer game where you can manipulate the lives of people and build them houses and make them cheat on significant others and buy cool toys and make them go to jail and alter their appearances. So it pretty much made you God.
My love of The Sims has not died down, and probably never will. As a poor university student, I still found it in my budget to purchase myself a copy so that while I am procrastinating I can ruin simulated people’s lives at the same time. Ah, heaven.
So, on my recent rediscovery of my favourite game, I noticed several things about The Sims that misled me about what my life would be like. Several things that I was not prepared for by playing this game. And now, after having separating myself for several years, I can make a list of things that The Sims did not prepare me for as a young adult.
Reasons Why The Sims Did Not Write a Lifestyle Book
1. Making more friends does not make you advance in your job
Whenever you play the original The Sims before you can advance your career you have to fit certain requirements, usually involving making X number of friends. I’m sorry, but after entering the working world I can safely say that my friend count has never influenced how far I got in my career. Actually, I don’t think my employer asked me once how many friends I have at my interview. He most likely does not care. Therefore, why should little simulated people care if I have eight best friends before I can become a sushi chef?
2. WooHooing that many times is probably unhealthy
If you want to have a baby in The Sims you must WooHoo several times. First off, can we applaud the person who came up with the term of WooHoo for sexual encounters because it is a much more appropriate word! Next, I’m pretty sure you would pull a muscle if you went at it thirty times in a row without bathroom breaks or a snack. Yet, if you want to have a baby you must do it that way. I can barely get out of bed in the morning without my ankles popping if I don’t stretch, yet these people can fully function for a full day after seven hours of getting down and dirty in their bed. I’m not an expert in the whole sexy time thing, but I also graduated high school with a diploma. Anyone with a baby should have crutches and a cold compress permanently attached to them.
3. Changing your career is much harder than reading the newspaper
I used to think picking up the newspaper and choosing the first available job that seemed interesting was a normal thing. Just think, “Yeah, I can go from being a golf caddy to a military baseman,” and poof it happens! No, you actually need training for jobs, and diplomas, and degrees. Not to mention, the job market is a lot more difficult in the real world. Yeah, The Sims did a really bad job on showing me how the real job market works.
4. You cannot buy and sell furniture at the push of a button
It is every girls dream to push a button and suddenly have a new sofa. And in The Sims that is a real thing. In the real world, it is only a Sims thing. If only I could decide I don’t like my bedding and just sell it and immediately buy a new one. But no, this is real life and that kind of thing is too expensive and looked down upon.
5. Making friends is a lot easier than giving them gifts
While giving your friends gifts is awesome (I myself love to give friends mugs with their celebrity crush’s face plastered on the front) it is not a healthy way to start a friendship. Yet, if you want to make friends in The Sims you must win them over with your wit, charm, and everything you have in your inventory. Unless you own nothing at all, in which case you must tell them jokes for seven hours before they’ll consider going past “Acquaintances.” In actual life a smile and mutual interest is fine! Heck, I made my best friend by our mutual obsession with Logan Lerman!
Parents, if you are going to purchase The Sims for your children, please know that it does not accurately depict how people live their lives. Yes, you can furnish rooms until the cows come home (or it’s 4am) and you can make families made of 57 people, but it is not how adults really live. Plus, the whole WooHooing thing is very dangerous. Choose your games wisely.
Stay classy, Internet,
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