*Note: This post is going to be a little emotional. And something that most likely will make you cry.
To my dear Dutch,
By the time you read this, you will be up in Heaven. I have cried so many tears about this day that now that it’s all over and you’re all good up there by the pearly gates, it almost seems surreal. And yet, when I go looking for you and can’t find you, I know that this is the harsh world of reality.
I hope that Heaven is everything you ever imagined. I hope there are more bones and treats and cookies than are on the entire earth. I hope that you are spending time with Zeb and Mocha and Pops and Great Grandma Dorothy and all the members of the family you never got to meet.
I hope that you aren’t babying me all the way up there since I’m crying from missing you so much. I hope all your tumors are gone and you can finally lick your paws clean without getting blood on them. Most of all, I hope that you’re happier than you’ve been for a long time.
To lose my best friend is so hard for me, but to know you are up there, catching sticks for God, it makes me a little better. I never imagined my life without you, since you’ve been around in all my memories. Thirteen years you were there to make me a stronger person, because you always inspired me to be better. If there is one thing I want to come out of this, it’s for me to be everything you were for me. A best friend, a comforter, a shoulder to cry on, a jokester, a work out enthusiast, a protector, a perfectionist, and a family member.
Lots of people lose pets, and I always feel bad for them. But I don’t want people to feel bad for me. I want them to know that losing you is hard, but it’s also the right thing. You had so much going on with you and to know that you were dying more and more every day made it unjustifiable to keep you alive for my own selfish reasons. All I’ve ever wanted for you to feel happy and loved, because until the last year, that’s all you ever had to feel. You are my perfect little babe, and now that you’re gone, you don’t ever have to change.
I feel awful that you are going to miss all the things I know you’d love. Your favorite thing was to be around your family, and now you’re going to miss graduations and college acceptances and weddings. And although you’ll be there in spirit (because I know you are going to follow us around like you did here on Earth) I know that you’ll miss getting hair on my graduation robe. I’m going to miss having two brothers. One who is human and one who is a dog. The human brother always says funny things and tries to bug me, even sweet sometimes. The dog brother, he leans on my legs to show his affection, he sleeps in my closet because he loves dirty clothes, he prefers to have people scratch above his tail, and he he snores so loudly that I can’t fall asleep sometimes. But they are both my brothers, my precious younger brothers who are both so beautiful and unique and what makes me the person I am today. And losing one of them, it’s like losing part of what made me a strong person.
Dutch, when I first met you, you were a tiny dog who could fit into my 4-year-old lap. Now you’re a full-grown dog who is gone, but not from my heart. I’ve watched you grow up and have to deal with little kids pulling on your tail. You’ve had to deal with humongous Zeb, who would run away while you stayed in the backyard, waiting to tell us how good you were. As a family, we’ve seen you jump into the lake just to get in the boat when we go fishing. And from your perspective, I hope that you’ve seen all of us loving you because you are the most perfect dog any family could ever ask for.
I hope they treat you well in Heaven, because you really deserve it. You’ve been better than any dog I’ve ever met, and I can’t wait to see you again when my time comes.